The bunny

Why I hated Final Destination 4 (And you should too)

-Be warned, my dear reader, if you plan on watching Final Destination 4, that a). you should rethink your decision, and b). there are a bunch of spoilers in this post-

Ah, where to start? Why not the end? Usually when one sees a bad movie, people either come out of the theater badmouthing it or, when it's insultingly bad, completely silent with the hundred yard stare. With Final Destination 4 I witnessed a new type of reaction; no one mentioned the movie at all! It was as if it hadn't even happened. Some guy was talking about his dry cleaning, a couple were talking about cellphone companies, etc. Nobody cared about the movie anymore! As the credits rolled the previous 80 minutes disappeared from their minds. I wish I had been that lucky.

Instead I sit here in disbelief of the crap I went to see. What kind of audience do these people think they have? If I go see a Final Destination movie (and not an ordinary Final Destination but the 3D version, no less) it's because I wanted to see heads rolling, guts exploding, bones breaking and all the fragments and bloodiness flying off the screen. You know what I got instead? An x-ray animation. Yes . We are talking about the end of the movie when the character you've grown to like is going to die, you know it's going to happen, you are expecting it to be spectacular, 3-D and gory, but right then and there the movie switches to animation and you just see the "x-ray specs" view of the accident. Take a look:



I feel cheated. It's cute and all but in no way is this an acceptable ending for a movie.

And it wasn't just the ending, the other deaths weren't very creative and some of them weren't even shown to us. They were hinted at, off camera and left to our imagination. What is this, the Lifetime channel? Here we are, sitting with our 3-D glasses ready to see gory scenes of people getting cut in half, instead we're left to just wonder how it might have looked. The guy in the pool could have been so great, but instead we just see a pump exploding and a few shreds of guts coming out, again leaving the gore to our imaginations. I don't need help just imagining gore. I can save myself the $14 and sit around thinking about guts and gore on my own, thank you very much.

The few times we get to see what happens it is done in such a mediocre way you actually kind of wish they had left it to your imagination. OK, just kidding, but seriously SyFy channel puts forth a bigger effort in their movies than these guys. For example, a guy getting dragged by a tow-truck and it looks so ridiculously cheesy you feel you are at one of those cut-rate Christian "Hell Houses" they put on around Halloween. And then there's a guy getting hit by a car, so fake and lazily done that not even the characters in the movie care when it happens. Really that accident was nothing, nothing compared to Sayid's wife's and Juliette's ex-husband's similar deaths on Lost. The cowboy getting crushed in the hospital? Meh. Any Saturday morning cartoon is more graphic. Seriously they show way better stuff on basic network TV all the time.

In conclusion, I now understand my fellow theater goers. Why even bother talking about this movie? You are better off renting Bloody Valentine 3-D than watching this tripe.

The return of the king

Welcome back Steve! We love you!!!